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This may not be the place to tell you, some of you may need to learn it first hand.
Got a call from my kid brother today in Portland.
Tony Bones was going to meet him at his house to drop off Tony's shovel/sporty project that I had decided I wanted more than a project I have here at home.
My brother would drive it down here to Calif next week, Tony came from Seattle to give it to him.
My brother gets a call from Tony miniutes before my brother arrives home. Apparently Tony shows up and has some lunch while waiting for my brother. And just before my brother shows up, somebody steals Tony's car and the chopper project in the back, expensive goodies and rare antiquities gathered painstakingly by Tony over time.
My brother advises over the phone to call the police and that he will be arriving home from work in miniutes.
Well, when my brother got there he found Tony standing in front of the house with his car and said mentioned chopper gems.
Apparently, Tony spotted the suspect still in Tony's car just down the street talking to a person on the sidewalk.
Without hesitation and possesing the reflexes and dexterity of a cat/trained assasin, Tony pulled the accused out of his car and proceeded to hand him his ass in the form of CORN FED SEATTLE ASS WHOOPING.
Before Tony, who from here on out will be referred to as Big Tony, could send the theif off to his maker, at least 10 neighbors pulled him off the guy and the weasel managed to run away much like how a deer will run into the forest moments after being completely run over by a cement truck.
The car and my soon to be completely bitching sportster chopper arrived safely into the hands(giant hands) of Big Tony.
My brother, being a young aspiring ass whooper himself, said the guy is serious and stealing from him would be the furthest thing from any sane persons mind. Big Tony seemed pleasant enuff after the pummeling and shook my brothers hand, knuckles split and bleeding from redesigning the bike/car theif's dental work.
I was so shocked/happy from this news that I had to report it to you all and havn't even called Tony yet. So thats it, true/funny story I hope some of you learned something. Tony Bones= ok in my book and a no shit kind of fellow. good job and thank you sir.
 

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real justice, real quick.

explain to us again, how did the asshole get caught? he was in a car but not leaving?

i love the old school way of handling things. i have an older friend who has taken my under his wings as his apprentice in machining and welding, and he grew up in san fran while his brother was a hells angel and was ever present at the worst parties i've ever heard of. anyways, he still acts like that and is ready to whoop ass when somebody deserves it.
 

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Wow..! Cool story!

Only thing that would be different overhere is that the suspect would probably never be able to walk again...


So Patina Turner, now we do you know what you're working on and it's not top secret anymore.. Or am I wrong..?

Did you get my e-mail..?
 

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For every person who has had some fucker take something that didn't belong to them, this is for you:

1. Pull up to Patina's brother's house in nice, trendy-type neighborhood
2. Talk to Patina's brother and decide to get lunch down street while he finishes his lunch at work, then comes over
3. Leave car (locked, window down a crack) in front of Patina's brother's house...walk to restaurant
4. Have Caesar salad and one beer
5. Walk back 20-30 minutes later...car gone
6. Talk to guy who lives across street. Says he saw car and confirms that I didn't imagine leaving it there
7. Walk back down street while calling wife to get license number to give police and number for insurance co.
8. Two blocks down see young punk parked around corner talking to dumb friend who is on passenger side of car leaning in
9. Kick flip-flops off, take off at dead sprint, telling wife I'll call her right back
10. Get to car, dive half way in w/ haymaker, tag kid in side of face
11. Kids buddy smart...heads for hills.
12. Drag kid out of car through window, lose footing, have kid fall on top of me
13. Bite kid on shoulder like vampire w/ bad aim and roll him over
14. Start swinging
15. Stop swinging when random guy walking down street decides to be hero and pull me off
16. Kid takes off running...can't catch him. Sensitive feet, no shoes on, slow like sloth
17. Talk to hoard of people who came out of stores/restaurants, poorly explain situation using too many explitives, drive back to Patina's brother's house
18. Unload bike stuff, nearly have heart attack, talk about skate boarding w/ Patina's brother (nice mini-ramp in back lawn), drive home, wash blood from hands, put neosporin on nasty looking hamburger paws
19. Realize entire saga is fucking unbelievable and ponder place in world
20. Consider moving deep into heart of Alaska and growing Grizzly Adams beard.
 

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EXCELLENT work, Tony...I think the only lesson to be learned from this is to never wear flip-flops....otherwise, mission accomplished!

I hope you have no negative interaction w/Mr. Johnny Law concerning this
 

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so how bad would the incident have been if Big Tony had just had a lunch of protein and carbs and was wearing actual shoes?

every bike has a story behind it, patina's just happens to have a better story than most!

brandon

gonna put a brass knuckle kick pedal on it???
 

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Damn.. I love stories like this.

I once saw a guy bite someones nose off...

If it would've been my bike, mister hero walking by accidently would've probably haven a real bad time too.

I think I would go completely, completely out of control it this would happen to me.

I've had my shit stolen twice now...
6 years ago in England, 5 minutes before we left Hastings after a BMX contest... Complete car emptied while we were at the phone booth 3 minutes away.. Everything... Vintage photocamera gear, new photocamera gear, video gear, passports, tickets for boat, radio, cd changer, sk8board, 2 BMX bikes, all our clothing, cd's, etc, etc... They even took my Sunny Delight.

Last year 3000 Euros worth of Camera got stolen from me at a shady motel in Vegas.

I hate thieves... And would probably have to spend time in jail if I would catch one because I went beyond my limits.





Two years ago some dude tried to rape a girl (who's now my girlfriend) that was with us at a festival...
That was even worse.. I didn't know what I was doing when we got him and HIS lady :eek: .
 

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Dirk_Laguna said:
EXCELLENT work, Tony...I think the only lesson to be learned from this is to never wear flip-flops....otherwise, mission accomplished!

I hope you have no negative interaction w/Mr. Johnny Law concerning this
thats what i was thinking...flip flops?! i had to chase my dogs down the street once in bare feet....was not good. my feet are sensitive too.
 

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Out-fucking-standing Tony! Adrenalin is the most amazing chemical around, huh? I'm laughing my ass off over this as I try to imagine who was more surprised: Tony, because he walked down the street and actually FOUND his stolen ride or the brillian thief when he was removed (via the window) from his cool new ride.

I love vigilante justice. It makes my insides all warm and fuzzy.
 

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Oh, and I think I won't fuck with guys in flip-flops anymore either. LOL
 

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That's frigg'in great ! Too bad about the flip- flops ...... Love that kind of Justice ....

Buddy comes out of the police station here in LA ... sees legs hanging out the drives door ... guys trying ta wire the Jeep ... He comes around and starts beating the gut with the door .... then he just leans on it wile the guy is screaming till the cops come out of the station ... Only in LA .......
 

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That's frigg'in great ! Too bad about the flip- flops ...... Love that kind of Justice ....

Buddy comes out of the front of a police station here in LA ... sees legs hanging out the drives door ... guys trying ta wire the Jeep ... He comes around and starts beating the gut with the door .... then he just leans on it wile the guy is screaming till the cops come out of the station ... Only in LA .......
 
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